There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
