sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
