Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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