I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
