New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
