had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm too high and old for this...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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