I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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