So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
