Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
