No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
