So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
