hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
