I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
