wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
