i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
