dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
