tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
