I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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