its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
