After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
