the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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