Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
