My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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