Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
