I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
