my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
