Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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