I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
