the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
