operation have a gay friend backfired
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize