my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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