hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
