That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
