This girl is more easily done than said...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
