I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
