you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
