Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
