please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
