please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
