Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
