Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
