This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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