Pregnant stripper...not hot.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize