you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
