Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
