You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
