The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How drunk are you?
Completed.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
