Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
