New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Also, beer. Big fan.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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