our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
