I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm just crazy horny about you
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
how drunk are you?
Several
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
