the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
