Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
