Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
