I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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