She went from zero to smokin in five shots
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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