Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
