you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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