Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I look better un-naked...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
