I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
