His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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