Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
