By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
