Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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