guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
