im six kinds of drunk right now
i dont even know how to be here
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just want to make out with him forever
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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