if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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