i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Blood and glitter go together right?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
