Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
