i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
