the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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