i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize