she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
