Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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