ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
