Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
