also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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