Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
