just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
