If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
there is glitter all over my balls
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
