You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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