You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
