I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize