We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize
