she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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