direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
