Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
