The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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