tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Hippo gnu deer
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm having to shit out rocks
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