I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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