I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
