Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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