Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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