I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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